Total Pretenders
42,069
+420% from yesterday
Counting people who say "I'm a founder" in their bio
Imaginary Valuation
$4.2B
-69% in reality
Based on vibes and LinkedIn connections
Pitch Deck Downloads
8,008
+100% from last pivot
AI-generated buzzwords per slide: 42
Actual Revenue
$0.00
∞% growth potential!
We're pre-revenue (and always will be)
$IPO Performance
Pretend-O-Meter
Real BusinessSomewhat RealPure Meme
0% Pretend
Buzzword DensityExtreme
AI MentionsEvery Slide
Reality CheckNever
Latest Funding Round
$2M
at $20M valuation
Key Investors:
- Sequoia FOMO
- Y Combinator Reject Fund
- SoftBank Lite
"Created AI-generated financial projections showing hockey stick growth"
$IPO Roadmap to Pretend Success
Q2 2025: Seed Round
Raise $10M at $100M valuation from your college roommate's dad
Q3 2025: Series A
Raise $50M at $500M valuation after adding "AI" to pitch deck
Q4 2025: Series B
Raise $100M at $2B valuation after adding "blockchain" to company name
Q1 2026: IPO (Initial Pretending Offering)
Exit before anyone realizes there's no actual product